They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
