Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
