You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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