Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
bring money and cleavage
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
