how can u be prego again
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
