Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
