Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
