i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
