i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Randomize
