I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
