Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
