She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Randomize
