Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
