she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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