I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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