Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
