Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
this boner is exhausting
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize