Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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