the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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