I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
