Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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