No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
