Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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