I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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