why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
