4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
You just made me feel so damn special
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
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