I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
