Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
