Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
