hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
