guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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