Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
