i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
