so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I'm jealous of your bromance
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
They have beer where we have blood.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
