I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
