Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
