Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
