wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
smell my finger.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize