Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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