So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
