don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
