so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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