I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
