She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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