IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
