My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
