That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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