How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
