I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
