I wannas sexs uuuuu
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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