who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
