be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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