no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Randomize
