He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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