We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
