Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
