my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
