I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
