omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
