She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
im holly from the hills drunk
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
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