i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
