I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
