what if every blade of grass was a penis?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
