You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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