I am puke
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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