Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Randomize
