Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
It was confusing and full of hummus
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
