I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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