she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
