He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Randomize
