My liver just broke up with me...
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
