i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
