Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
