What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
