I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
