Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
