Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
