so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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