I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize